TOP FIVE: Dentist Office Songs

The creative process rarely fully conceives of distribution. Will your work end up posted in an Applebees or at some snooty apple orchard art fair — its not always clear.

One place where creative work (sic) is CONSUMED, which often falls off the radar screen is your dentist office. Whether you’re stuck in the waiting room reading 1989 editions of HIGHLIGHTS, or your strapped to the chair under the big light, you are certainly a captive audience!

One final item of note, for those of you who haven’t visited Washington, DC lately, its culture is very similar to your dentist’s office waiting room — stale smell, awkward small talk and all(just HAD to get that DIG in there ZOINK!) ENJOY!

#5 The Moonlighting Theme Song.

Imagine spitting to the refrain of this one! If you don’t remember the show, it was the worlds introduction to Bruce Willis and the hi-point of Cybill Shepherds career. Maybe this romantic comedy, will inspire something a little extra between YOU and your Hygenist.

#4 You’re So Vain by Carly Simon

I don’t know if Dick Klien’s office staff was trying to say something to the crowd, but going to his office growing up in Toledo, there wasn’t a single time when I didn’t hear this song. Was it a mix tape? Lite FM? We don’t know — but don’t forget, clouds in your coffee or not — that shit still STAINS teeth!

#3 How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends? By BOLTON

What’s more painful? Root canal or the sound of Michael Bolton belting it out? Who knows but Dentists have been using this songer to calm patients for DECADES.

#2 “You’ll be in my Heart” By Phil Collins

Lets face it — we coulda put the entire PHIL Catalog here. As they say, the sun never sets on Phil Collins playing in some dentist’s office somewhere. I chose one of his worst for FULL effect.

#1 “Right Here Waiting For You” By Richard MARX

Whipe those tears from your eyes.. I know you just felt beauty consume you. Yeah, Dentists’ — they’re MARXISTS — the whole lot of ’em. I don’t know if its supposed to help calm your stomach after the novacane, or its there way of feeling loopy right along with you whilst you try the laughing gas — whatever it takes or how your tooth breaks, Richard Marx will be right there waiting for you — at the D.D.S.

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2 Responses to “TOP FIVE: Dentist Office Songs”

  1. Caitlin Dorsey says:

    Nice. But you’re missing one other clutch dentist office song:

  2. beckmann says:

    You’re so right–I’ve been waiting for a girl like you to tell me these things!