Spring is Sprunging and for those of you who still depend on your animalistic clock and are just getting up from hyber-nation, next up is the HEAT filled months of REBIRTH, Cadbury CREME EGGS and LOVE.

If you’re like me — then you’re sneezing at all the possibilities this year. With new healthcare legislation on the books, we could just well experience a new sexual revolution.

Since Schmooru is a creative community — we don’t just stop at videos, schmideos or windbaggery… I have discovered the FOUR things REQUIRED to CREATE long lasting relationships. If you’re looking to hook up, this list is not for you.

It comes from no one other than my own MOTHER. Not to hold her up as the June Clever of our times, but she has married almost 38 years — and 2010 marked her 30th Anniversary in private Psychological practice in the test market ala Joe Plumber of Toledo, OH.

Under the leadership of Joe the Plummerian-like economic assumptions, during my mom’s entire career in practice, Toledo went from a moderately prosperous, manufacturing-based economy to a place where 1 in 4 people now live in poverty, she’s heard it all.

Its amazing how people coming to see her present some fucking legitimately depressing and hard problems — but many of them seek comfort in each their significant others to get them through these impossibilities.  I now share with you her FOUR REQUIREMENTS for CREATING A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP:

Humor
Humor is a complicated being — the animals don’t really have it all that much(don’t tell that to our dog Charlie) — humor is the trail that begins to separate wo/man from beast. Further, if you can’t laugh with each other during times good and bad, you will certainly cry apart one day in separated spaces. If you’re from where I grew up, it generally means you go to the Ottawa Arms (see above).

Passion For Each Other
I don’t know if this is the birds and the bees or don’t know much about Chemistry — but if you don’t miss the other one when they’re gone — and sort of yurn for them, well, take to aspirin and call me in the morning. If you’re still singing the same song after listening to So Happy Together — you spark may be forever lost.

Shared Values
Now we get into the midwestern section of this thing — but there’s no wonder all my friends who stayed there are either married or miserable or miserably married. Shared values mean, if you Hail Hitler, and the other one Hails Ghandi — this MAY work out — but if you begin having arguments all the time about the benefits of Public vs. Private education too — well, it may not work out in the end.

Paternal/Maternal Attraction
Ok. So you don’t want to have kids. Or maybe you do want to have kids. OR, quite possibly you’re a single sex couple and this begins to explode the gender role stereotype question from Women’s Studies 201. We’re not trying to open that one up here. You can decide which ever roles you want — but at the end of the day — no matter WHO wears the pants, you have to ask yourself, do you see the other as a good PARENT? This is not just for the kids. This is if you have kids or not.

So go get ‘em.