I’m not a military sentimentalist, but somehow, I imagine, the next Veterans day will not be the same since the recent passing of Major Magic and his ALL STAR PIZZA REVIEW.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with his work, no one really knows which war her served in, but when he came back home, he befriended some animals, taught them how to play Jeremiah was a Bullfrog, and peformed randomly–MECHANICALLY, to those eating flat, cardboard pizza while always basking in the celebration of someone’s passing year.

The final Major Magics location closed this month in Sylvania, Ohio.  There were rumours that there were more in Michigan somewhere, but as far as all of us were concerned, Major Magic was a household name in the Toledo area, and no place else.  Most of all of you had Chuck E Cheese or possibly Showbiz–we had the Major with his Rock n’ Roll Rebellion band.

Toledo was a strange place–still is to this day(notice how none of the kids smile in any of the pictures).  What’s GOOD for DIGITAL is BAD for TOLEDO.  In an effect, if there was a Toledo Industrial index, everytime Steve Job’s stock goes up, the GLASS CITY(toledo) cracks even further.

Major Magic and his ALL STAR PIZZA REVUE–was as analog, mechinical as things get.  ROBOTS who perform, can you imagine?  No, they weren’t holograms, and YES, my favourite part was peaking underneath the curtain between performances to watch their dead faces.  That of course was followed by chucking SMARTIES at them during their motion renditions–and their UNCANNY ability to keep a straight face despite getting WONKED.  I never quite understood why they gave out SMARTIES next to these creatures.

We had a lot of local chains there for a town of its size, MM being one of them and while I lived there I’ll admit at the time, I longed for the national chains to come into town as some sort of connection to the outside world.  For some reason, till I left for college in 1998, Toledo had no Starbucks or Wal Mart– we had Sufficient Grounds and The Anderson’s–locally owned and operated chains.

Increasingly national chains have come in–a friend of mine there bragged about how HIS chinese take-out place was P. F. Changs, (I told him mine was China Town)-IPOH or Jing Chauns, the local staples of our youth that made you wonder how Chinese people found their way to Toledo, were not on his list.  So down the street from where the Major held his last stand, a Chuck E Cheese still sits(the other location in town, recently hosted a pistol whipping–they had to close for the rest of the day).

But this obituary isn’t totally about corporateness and how much expense it must have taken them to maintain an entire BRAND, COPPER(TOKENS),  PAPER CURRENCY(TICKETS) & OTHER BULLSHIT for just one location–or where I can go now to redeem all the tickets I saved up for toxic plastic toys–MADE IN TAIWAN, that smelled chemical, but I used to eat chew on nonetheless.

Its about something much greater.  IN 1994 I believe, a meeting took place, one Monday afterschool with Duck Tales playing in the background in the SPORTS BAR section of Major’s.  IT was a meeting of the loosely affiliated group of BBS owners and purveyors in the Toledo area.   For those of you who didn’t know about BBS’s– before the internet was largely what it is today, people used to run BULLETIN BOARD SYSTEMS on their computers.  In order for others to access this info, you needed a dedicated phone line–often the ‘kids line’ and people with their 1200 baud modems would call your computer up on a one-to-one ratio to figure out things like Black Boxes and Blue Boxes which made it so you never had to pay for a call at a payphone again.

Beyond the long distance, their was always a revolutionary undercurrent to it all.  We were being opressed, WE wanted to fuck their shit up–but we were way too nerdy to do anything about it–and our FIRST and PROBABLY LAST meeting could have only taken place at MAJOR MAGICS.

I bring all this up because the MAJOR definitely must have been a revolutionary too–or maybe a Rock N’ Roll Rebellion.  He didn’t care if he was the LITTLE GUY–against the odds of CHUCK’s bigger pockets or RAZZ-MA-TAZZ’s sharper focus on the mystics– when they built him, according to this guy’s blog– they spared no expense to make their creatures as creepy as possible.

So… “On behalf of Major Magic and his All Star Pizza Review, we would like to wish you, a very Happy The rest of your lives.”

The Major leaves behind one brother. Crunch, Cap’n (62) of Battle Creek, MI.

#5 The Moonlighting Theme Song.

Imagine spitting to the refrain of this one! If you don’t remember the show, it was the worlds introduction to Bruce Willis and the hi-point of Cybill Shepherds career. Maybe this romantic comedy, will inspire something a little extra between YOU and your Hygenist.

#4 You’re So Vain by Carly Simon

I don’t know if Dick Klien’s office staff was trying to say something to the crowd, but going to his office growing up in Toledo, there wasn’t a single time when I didn’t hear this song. Was it a mix tape? Lite FM? We don’t know– but don’t forget, clouds in your coffee or not– that shit still STAINS teeth!

#3 How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends? By BOLTON

What’s more painful? Root canal or the sound of Michael Bolton belting it out? Who knows but Dentists have been using this songer to calm patients for DECADES.

#2 “You’ll be in my Heart” By Phil Collins

Lets face it–we coulda put the entire PHIL Catalog here. As they say, the sun never sets on Phil Collins playing in some dentist’s office somewhere. I chose one of his worst for FULL effect.

#1 “Right Here Waiting For You” By Richard MARX

Whipe those tears from your eyes.. I know you just felt beauty consume you. Yeah, Dentists’–they’re MARXISTS–the whole lot of ‘em. I don’t know if its supposed to help calm your stomach after the novacane, or its there way of feeling loopy right along with you whilst you try the laughing gas– whatever it takes or how your tooth breaks, Richard Marx will be right there waiting for you–at the D.D.S.

The Blind Spot Pilot from IB5k on Vimeo.

I found this pilot that I made for ABC News Now–what at the time was billed to be a mobile phone concentrated news network, which was to be the future.   With the layoffs at ABC News this past month, mentioned in this blog, I thought it interesting to revisit this moment in time–late 2004.  John Kerry had just lost the election and George W. Bush had a lot of political capital.  Of the THREE Anchors of a generation, only one had walked off into the sunset, another was in the process of being disgraced and yet another, didn’t know his fate.  Here are some interesting points when watching this:

1) Distribution. Youtube had not been invented, or made widely available yet–so I had very few legitimate options if I wanted to get this out on my own some other way.

2) Still trying.  Like Woody Allen, I keep trying to make the same movie over and over again.  REF: My email to Charles Gibson(I can reveal this today) after his Woody Allen Interview–I got no response: http://tomarken.com/criticism/2005/05/i-got-a-lot-out-of-your-woody-allen-intv

For instance, Sam Rieff-Pasarew finds a place in all my very first pilot projects–but I’ve learned a few things since:

3) 2004. Peter Jennings was still in the building when I showed this around.  As was, Ted Koppel down at his perch in DC.  I showed this to everyone I could find–unbased–but it had to be distributed by DVD(and that was modern–”DIGITAL”).  They were an all tape house.  I remember 40 year old producers futzing with the dvd tray to try on their DESKTOPS trying to get this to play, and the speakers were often not set up.

4) Its true.  I hijacked a studio–edited late at night in stairwells and now with my 30 year old mind, I appreciate the cover and support I got for doing this renegade from my bosses there at the time, I could imagine it was uncomfortable for them to have me showing it around.  Its sad that on the one hand I’m embarrassed wondering wtf I was thinking– I certainly look less dorkier right now–on the other, looking at the tape pieces, I’m pretty certain something like this WOULD have gotten picked up today somewhere.  I couldn’t get it on a mobile phone network at 2AM on a Thursday in 2004.

5) Instant Message thing.  With the Current, HACK THE DEBATE--I would say that it was realized there, EXCEPT–look at how LONG the AIMs were?    I’m not sure if that’s why twitter still struggles to find its place on OLD TEE VEE.  140 is too short for complicated thoughts and ideas.

And now–just the exploding TEE VEE part:

Just the Exploding TV from IB5k on Vimeo.

Here’s something for those 300,000 MO-rons who just ran out and bought the iPAD without the 3G cell phone service on the very first weekend(except we all pretty much know now these types don’t care much for posterity)…

We talk a lot here about making stuff–but what good is it if its just a fart passing in the wind?   Since so many of the so-called “original growth trees” have been used from everything Cigar Smoking Lodge carved wooden bears to sale inserts from F. W. Woolworths & Co. –now most of our furniture can’t even survive a single move! (can someone please tell me who picks up the broken IKEA crap from the curb?  and if those folks are related to the ones taking my socks, nail clippers and cell phone cords–thanks;)

If you’re like me, you’re somewhat relieved that now all those photos from some 2007 bar or mountain top are still on Facebook where ever that data is being stored in some underground bunker neighborhood next to Dick Cheney will forever be reachable through a screen in their original conditions–but of course, that’s only if they survive Facebook’s countless changes to its policies.

But that doesn’t solve the problem of what to do at home, with your own personal archives and what’s the best storage device overall if you don’t like throwing away metals, chemicals or anything constantly.  In video storage, our thoughts below probably won’t help you much either.  With the “solid state’ straight to drive technology permiating, I still prefer to have the tape copy for mere storage purposes(considering you still have to do some video processing from the P2 anyway) and I’ve been waiting for someone to tell my why I’m a MO-RON.

Regardless, looking at the bigger picture of all this, we actually decided to speak to an expert.  She doesn’t want her name revealed at the moment–archivists are often portrayed as a serious bunch.  When you think, without them, all knowledge is basically erased, that’s a pretty HEAVY load to consider all day long.  For those using Twittter right now, documenting your self-importance 140 chars at a time throwing caution to the sands of time, you may find her answer SHOCKING/PDA exploding..(we hope, just burn your PDAs).

“Books last the longest! As long as you use quality materials, books are here to stay. Even if not, they still last a good while. Books from as far back as the 15th century, or more, are in much better condition than those from the 19th century. Old paper made of cotton and linen can feel newer in comparison to younger wood-pulp paper. Nowadays you can see books that say on the copyright page, statements along the lines of “printed on acid-free archival paper.” These will last, presumably. With some of the glued bindings on common paperbacks, time will tell. Many publishers now are printing books in ‘quality’ sewn bindings, even if they’re also glued to paperback covers, so these too will presumably hold together. Thing is, with books, it’s a technology that really can’t be outmoded. The latest e-reader device will soon be replaced by the next hyper-reader device, while physical paper-based books in codex form will continue to function as well as they ever have. Compare the circulation of books to CDs – books hold up through many many hands, while CDs lose functionality with a few scratches, and now, as a medium are getting replaced by digital files that don’t need to reside on discs or sticks. It’s a very complicated issue, though, when you start considering the reality of how people perform transactions of information today. I for one am still unalarmed about the status of the book itself, but especially in the library field, there are other issues about how to use and provide access to the range of media available. Libraries are certainly not mainly about books anymore. They still need to be founded on a solidly curated collection of material,  but books factor for less and less of this. I can go on… But to keep it reasonably short, books are not going away. And I’m still using the Dewey system — at my cataloging internship right now, we assign Dewey call numbers to our books. Most university libraries use the Library of Congress number system, which I prefer. And actually, cataloging activity conceptualized beyond just books, as organization of information, is absolutely essential in the internet era. With such an overload of information jumbling around, in order to make any practical use of that information, you still need people to organize and categorize and arrange systems of knowledge hierarchy.”

While this alone will not solve this increasingly complicated issue..(and certainly the iPAD will not either–books WIN there too) why not buy your favourite Ludite a beer tonight–if that’s not too modern for them?  They’ve been under some heat for sometime–they may actually have something on this one.

Its not the one you’re thinking–yes, often times when I was walking by some room with blinking monitors and lights, I could catch a glimpse of Urkel and Full House– but that’s not what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about the ABC News family–and essentially my early 20s there. The best shrine to the ABC News family can be found, in what still may be the ABC News barbor shop. There you find smiling old face shots of Hugh Downs. Despite who’s face you may walk by on the way in to work–they always changed, you could always visit Hugh in the barborshop.

“And so… finally tonight”– like our esteemed leader who had to announce the news of his own cancer, the ABC News family was told they too have cancer as well. Some may call it late stage, there’s arguments over who knew what when, but if they don’t amputate, they could loose the entire body–some argue they still might.

So this Friday, the voluntary period will end for those who will accept buyouts for their careers at ABC. For those who are left, if there’s not enough hands raised–more will be forced to leave involuntarily. If you consider an average family of four, the numbers are staggering–you would lose 1/4.

I’m not sure, and I don’t think many people within the alphabet net really understand what this means and what it will look like–losing what in any other families is the equivalent to a brother–or in this case a mentor, a fixture, or an incompetent crabby person that yelled at you on the phone and made so many moments of your life at ABC a living hell.

That’s right–like any other family, the ABC News Family was highly dysfunctional at almost every level and everyone knows it. But we always got together when it counted–for the holidays, for the elections, for the Michael Jackson stories–and to be most honest, for the unseemly amount of deaths that have struck that place over the last 10 years.

I count at least a dozen(its probably more I’ve lost count), who died seemingly before their day since I first joined the family in 2003. I’ve never been in a family who has seen more death, hardship and drama–I frankly never want to again, but you don’t choose your family.

The thing that’s most bizarre is when the News becomes the News for a moment how would you cover your own funeral? At ABC, as well as others, there are obituaries ready to go in the event that an unspoken, but mystical list of famous people were to die at any moment. Who is going to speak on Friday for all the careers who are now probably ending?

I gave my early 20s to ABC News. I know many have given their entire lives. What it means is, you don’t make it home for your own family’s holidays–and you sacrifice part of your humanity towards that news family. I worked 21 hours a day at times there–hearing the clickity clack of the basement tunnel that sits underneath building 47 on the way to ‘beta land’ as I would sometimes run with pride tapes down for air at 5AM. That is literally the ‘anals’ of ABC News.

There’s the smell in the stairs. There’s the good deal at the cafeteria. There’s the sickness in building 147 that hasn’t yet been figured out that gives everyone headaches. There’s the free starbucks I would steal from the 5th floor. There’s the security guy at Columbus Ave. that I never understood what he was rambling about all day till I once stopped to listen and realized the guy was actually interesting.

There were the stare’s I got in the hallways when I decided to go with the mustache or shave my beard.

And always the constant bleeping of this or that in the distance– the people jockeying for attention on the ABC 320 hotline system. The CURSE of the World News Tonight anchor chair (cleansed when they dropped TONIGHT so future ones would be safe).

All this crap made up my early 20s. Those days when I didn’t need sleep for some reason and all I cared about was ABC News DLs. I’m still trying to unpack all of it. It was so intense. What does it all mean–will it help my career–was it bad, was it good? I don’t really know.

What I do know is.. for this kid from a family of four who grew up in Ohio–who was living in New York City, alone, for the first time–ABC News was my family. I felt an intimacy towards it in the hours I spent there, and the people I shared those times with.

This week is hard on so many people–and I want everyone to know that I honestly feel crappy about the whole thing. I know we weren’t the most loving family–I often watched as you all as you ate your young or CONSTANTLY enjoyed each others demises.. I never really understood that part–but I guess its the family business.

So now that this week has come and next week won’t be the same. For those of you who are going out in the world–its amazing place and you’ll be ok. I don’t know how I can help you–but no matter who you are–you’re family–and I’ll always be there for you.

For those who are going to stay, despite this loss, we are still family and things change. We’ll be there to help you deal with this too.

It seems strange coming up with 800 words on a corporate news division type-place owned by the Walt Disney Company–but there are too many ghosts in that building for it to ever really just be accounting.  Its a family, I mean sometimes its more than that, people did take bullets for each other there at some points–and within that family, we’re known for making cheesy statements, echoing such people like Ted Koppel who used to end the ABC NEWS day with a good nite from all of us. This week, I offer, for all of THEM at ABC News, good luck.

If you’re like me–then you’re sneezing at all the possibilities this year. With new healthcare legislation on the books, we could just well experience a new sexual revolution.

Since Schmooru is a creative community–we don’t just stop at videos, schmideos or windbaggery… I have discovered the FOUR things REQUIRED to CREATE long lasting relationships. If you’re looking to hook up, this list is not for you.

It comes from no one other than my own MOTHER. Not to hold her up as the June Clever of our times, but she has married almost 38 years–and 2010 marked her 30th Anniversary in private Psychological practice in the test market ala Joe Plumber of Toledo, OH.

Under the leadership of Joe the Plummerian-like economic assumptions, during my mom’s entire career in practice, Toledo went from a moderately prosperous, manufacturing-based economy to a place where 1 in 4 people now live in poverty, she’s heard it all.

Its amazing how people coming to see her present some fucking legitimately depressing and hard problems–but many of them seek comfort in each their significant others to get them through these impossibilities.  I now share with you her FOUR REQUIREMENTS for CREATING A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP:

1) Humor. Humor is a complicated being–the animals don’t really have it all that much(don’t tell that to our dog Charlie)–humor is the trail that begins to separate wo/man from beast. Further, if you can’t laugh with each other during times good and bad, you will certainly cry apart one day in separated spaces. If you’re from where I grew up, it generally means you go to the Ottawa Arms (see above).

2) Passion For Each Other. I don’t know if this is the birds and the bees or don’t know much about Chemistry–but if you don’t miss the other one when they’re gone–and sort of yurn for them, well, take to aspirin and call me in the morning. If you’re still singing the same song after listening to So Happy Together–you spark may be forever lost.

3) Shared Values. Now we get into the midwestern section of this thing–but there’s no wonder all my friends who stayed there are either married or miserable or miserably married. Shared values mean, if you Hail Hitler, and the other one Hails Ghandi–this MAY work out–but if you begin having arguments all the time about the benefits of Public vs. Private education too–well, it may not work out in the end.

4) Paternal/Maternal Attraction. Ok. So you don’t want to have kids. Or maybe you do want to have kids. OR, quite possibly you’re a single sex couple and this begins to explode the gender role stereotype question from Women’s Studies 201. We’re not trying to open that one up here. You can decide which ever roles you want–but at the end of the day–no matter WHO wears the pants, you have to ask yourself, do you see the other as a good PARENT? This is not just for the kids. This is if you have kids or not.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:CDQPxtykOR3jSM:http://wirednewyork.com/parks/central_park/images/central_park_sheep_meadow.jpg
So go get ‘em.

Feel like the New Jersey Turnpike:

Feel balanced (Bing died shortly after this)

Feel Passive Aggressive (Think Martha Stewart denial)

Feel Guilty

Feel Stereotypically Mexican

Feel hungry

You remember the 80s? VH-1 won’t let you forget–but soon enough you will forget them. It was the high water mark for the Situation Comedy–one in which there was a living room with a door on the left leading ‘outside’ a couch in the middle that sat THREE, some pictures, a staircase and a kitchen on the right–or vice versa–that’s where IT happened.

In order to understand what went into that genius–I guess you could try to understand Michael Eisner. In the book about him–DisneyWars, which I read whilst I was working under der Fuhrer as the remaining Disney brothers were failing to over throw him over Walt’s dead body, he’s given credit for creating something called “High-Concept”. Its something where you pick a star or two–TENT POLES if you will to get them in the door, wrap them around a situation with an obvious conflict like a black cop in a rich town, use a studio you already have or shoot it all in LA, do everything else on the cheap including BRONSON PINCHOT and blim, blam thank you mam–Cha-Ching.. HIGH CONCEPT. It also helps if you’re HIGH when you watch these movies.

HIGH CONCEPT in the 80s vs. the 70s, was like Pop Chart Singles were to Albums, the K-Car was to the Muscle Car and most interestingly NEW COKE was to Original Formula(for the record, I actually DID actually like New Coke better). Beverly Hills Cop, Beverly Hills Cop II, Indiana Jones and the Lost Arc, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom–these were some of the original HIGH CONCEPTS–but my GEORGE–there were SOOO MANY and we loved them so.

How come in Hollywood, when some schmuck in Hollywood comes up with some glamorous term like HIGH CONCEPT(or his assistant does), he’s considered genius and ooo’d and aw’d and no one knows who the hell Dan Robbins is?–I’ll never know.

He did pretty much the same thing. Mike and Dan–both formulaticians–with a whiz bang idea that swept through the suburban splundor and kept people from smiling awkwardly in passing while running home to crack open another one.

How does this reflect creative cognition? What happened in the 80s was the industrialization of the media form.New distribution channels opened up. Multiplexes formed. TBS was invented–and there was money to be made like always, but this time is was A LOT MORE OF IT.

This shit needed to be cranked out like GOOSE through a SHIT factory. Those who came up with these FORMATTING tricks, became GODS, their heads as big as round bubbles.

This is very interesting for us Schmoos, generational in fact!–as we’ve experienced a COLON blow of distribution channels openning up in similar form to the upheaval of the early 80s–but MUCH MUCH bigger! Step right up and have your head be blown into a bubble too!

History lesson’s over, Hegel has been paid his due–and lets get to the good stuff.

Those sit-coms from the 80s? Why did they have such mass appeal? You look at these things and you realize the only reason why industry people long for these good old days is because the money was BIG and EASY–and it was EASY to make.

>>CONFLICT<<

>>CONFLICT<<

The basic formula: Middle class person, reinvents themselves into a not really fucked up situation and everything comes up roses–as sung through a HYPER POWER DEISEL VOICE that sends the dogs running in from other rooms.

Within the THEME SONG, IS the entire concept, and when it left so did the entire franchise. Just like each situation–each song has a TURN for the fucking awesome–these moments are highlighted and explained below in between the []–if we learn anything else from this creative imputus–”what’s old is new, and we should have theme songs in everything we do”… AND NOW, the FIVE RULES for 80s Sit-Com Sucess:

Rule 1:

You move somewhere. [and if anyone knows me well, now is when I insert how pitiful it is that their dreams are seemingly limitless for them in Chicago when you can't take the train anywhere unless you transfer downtown or even find a corner there that doesn't smell like poo]

RULE 2:

When you get there, it’s gonna be AWESOME(or at least the rich part of Connecticut)! [He lost a dream or two, .. at the end was Judith Light!--now we know why it took them like 6 seasons to not get it on--weak!]

Rule 3:

Two weirdos make a right and that’s some how intrinsic in your CABAM Happiness explosion [I might be father of the year!--or max out in 5 years on Mad about You]:

Rule 4:

This can happen too you middle class! Just move in with your financially sucessful photographer type sister who lives where she works and doesn’t have a straight staircase like the rest of the shows, but a TURNY one [How could something so good be so right.. so right!]. And no, that’s not your connection–that shocking shuffle move is an ‘effect’, so is the ‘blue sky above’.

Rule 5:
Don’t stray too much from Rules 1-4. If you go too far, like making it just about Catholics(especially when none of the kids look alike and they don’t look like the parents either !)–despite getting most Reagan Democrats, your audience won’t be large enough like the generalist Growing Pains you grew out of and you go out of business in two seasons [stay on the ball {go to church} I might make the HALL OF FAME--what can he say?]. You know what, these rules work for just PLAIN mainstream American dreams in almost any regard–don’t they?

You know why I love these Themes so much–they took the time to actually explain to you what you were about to watch. Its all in there–Its like you’re in the PITCH MEETING and everything, no nuance about it. It wasn’t really until Seinfeld exploded this form, that they just put you INSIDE THE SHOW so you had to figure out for yourself what the hell you were watching?

What can be learned from this–if you transported yourself back to the 80s and figure out a way to make a middle class family type person feel like through an unrealistic reflection of the room in which they sit–staring back at them, and within their minds would be the promise of a brighter tomorrow and a better future–we probably still wanted that when we were humble enough to believe it was ok to have one or two TVs in the house.

In many respects, maybe we’ve grown richer as a country or a world. I know one aspect of DISNEY/ABC features now is instead of a laugh track they give you background music, implying “BOSE WAVE RADIO” for you. Or is it the Reality shows that invade our news programs.

FORGET THE DAMN THEME SONG–>SHIT, our houses don’t even look like the ones on TV anymore, nor do our situations. Who watches TV together anymore anyway–everyone’s seperated into their own worlds. We all get directly to the point now evertime–whatever we want, all the time.

We’ve gone from situation obsessed–to just right down to “strip out the other fucking filler and get me to the conflict obsessed”. All the time. YO Eisner–now adays its CONFLICT CONFLICT CONFLICT–we can’t appreciate you’re concept. What’s past that you wonder? Its already like eating frosted without the flakes. It won’t look like playing outside–I can tell you that much. Maybe its like a family guy episode, that just has punchline, no set up.

So, as we’re RETHINKING everything this year from MONEY, to WEATHERIZATION to HEALTH CARE to how to make a GM–let us consider–as SCHMOOS, how to program for the micro audiences of the future?

Is it enough to make something really good for our friends to watch? Can they handle a full 22 minute story, or even a 5 minute story–or do even they require moments? We cannot put these genies we dream about back into the bottles. Despite old being new again–its very unlikely in the specialized era of video, that people will ever tolerate a stair case behind a couch?

What I suspect, is the person who can access straight feelings in an accessible way. That’s where its at. Remember the way you’re grandparents smelled when you went to visit–PRINT IT.

Remember your gym teacher’s obsession with whistles–PRINT THAT TOO.

Finally–I don’t know how this really fits in here at this point. So this seems like a perfect place to ponder the question–how did Belverdere hitch hike accross the ocean with a cardboard sign–and why the hell would he pick Pittsburgh? We need to get back to having entertainment exist in a far away land where questions like these don’t matter AND THEY’RE SO UPFRONT ABOUT IT!–cause true love begins when you accept someone despite their obvious flaws–in fact, according to our new arrival– you love them for it.

Exactly one year ago today, Barack Obama was elected president–and that’s a critical moment in the history not just for the world, but for us. You see, I started my self-imposed exile from my place in San Francisco at the end of July 2008 to move to Chicago and join the New Media part of that campaign. When we won–and then a week later, Current TV laid off the division I had been working for, I decided in those cold dark days of November, to start something SCHMOO–although not even the name had surfaced yet.

All I knew was that so many of you who had done work for us and so many of the talented people I’d worked with were now all of sudden out in the cold–whilst I felt like I had won the lottery. Finding myself in the midst of a historic and winning presidential campaign.

Fast forwarding to now–we will get to the parts in between at another point–I never went back home. I continued to go about the country and put together the pieces that at first became our parent company, IB5k and then later our subset for the creative types, Schmooru.com.

How did I do this? As you can recall–after Obama got elected, the sky was literally falling. The economy was in shambles and people thought the banks were going to fail. Schmooru, I’m proud to say has received no investment in these early stages which means there are no strings attached while firmly developing our foundation. We control our own house and from there we can dream unbeholden.

It did cost money–and I’m happy to report, my savings are mostly intact. The first thing that’s been mysterious to me and I hope no one from the MGM Mirage corporation is reading this–but every time I’ve needed the money for something, I’ve gotten it in a casino. In a sense MGM and a few other names are investors in this company. Same way FEDEX started.

I don’t believe in gambling–but I’ve only lost one time this year. I’ve never gotten more than I needed to get me past the next post. Before Obama called in July of 2008, I had won a HUGE take in Detroit which made me feel comfortable taking the drastic pay cut to sign up–because it was so mysteriously large, I thought it meant something larger than me.

There are your curators who worked on a HOPE and a DREAM who basically did this stuff for future pay, but beyond that they deeply care in what we’re all trying to do there. Primarily, to have a lawyer, a webmaster, a business builder, a powerful DC power broker, an impeccably capable renaissance video man–but also, the girl I called one week after the election and said “I don’t know what it is, but we’re going to go out there and do something’–the most networked girl in video production–cause this thing always was conceived and lives within community–without these people–there would be no SCHMOO.

But that’s not all. It took a village. A global one–in order to build this thing. And primarily–its not having paid rent for an entire year that has really gotten this thing off the ground. By my count I’ve stayed in over 47 different spots this year, and never slept in the street unless it was on purpose(There was the one night in Chicago when I wanted to go home and my hosts were partying all night but that was good for me;). I would say a word to the wisest is you have to keep on moving every three days in order to not overstay a welcome–but below, I’ve chronicled every place I’ve stayed in the last year–and many of them were repeats.

These people all contributed to the possibility, that creative people like all of you could band together–do projects bigger than oneself–and in doing so, help to preserve a creative lifestyle and profession that’s necessary to ensure our happy futures.

CHI
Caitlin Dorsey
Mike Debonis
The New Media Mansion people

STL
The Rev. Ben Schartman

NYC
Katie Beckmann

LA
Lauren Cerre & Tyler Manson-

SF
John Reed & Sarah McKinney

Omaha
Paul Tulipana & Megan Malone

Louisville
Tom Green

Birmingham
Mark Nugent & Jessica Kerley

Miami
Mark Steiner

St. Louis
Harrahs;)

Toledo
David & Esther Beckmann

Washington, DC Inauguration
Allison Archaubault

NYC
Holly Ecker and Christopher Smith

Washington DC/Manassas, VA
Mathew Taylor
David Bychkov & Nadia Madjid

SF
Richie Zevin

Bozeman, MT
Michael J. “mini” Noogent
Michael and Naomi Nugent

LA
Sarah Evershed & Julian Robinson
Dylan Ris

SF
Danny Debonis

Chicago,
Zac Witte & Goeff Domeracki

SF
Tori Taylor & Dave McMillan

LA
Saskia Wilson Brown

Wyoming
The Eversheds

NYC
John F. Brunner
Jory Cunningham
Sam Reiff-Pasarew

DC
Max Harper

Amsterdam
Dennis DeLange
Mike Glennon

NYC
Clare Sullivan & Thomas Hallaran

Great Barrington, MA
Nathanial Kerksick

CHI
Caitlin Dorsey
Mike Debonis
The New Media Mansion people

STL
The Rev. Ben Schartman

NYC
Katie Beckmann

LA
Lauren Cerre & Tyler Manson-

SF
John Reed & Sarah McKinney

Omaha
Paul Tulipana & Megan Malone

Louisville
Tom Green

Birmingham
Mark Nugent & Jessica Kerley

Miami
Mark Steiner

St. Louis
Harrahs;)

Toledo
David & Esther Beckmann

Washington, DC Inauguration
Allison Archaubault

NYC
Holly Ecker and Christopher Smith

Washington DC/Manassas, VA
Mathew Taylor
David Bychkov & Nadia Madjid

SF
Richie Zevin

Bozeman, MT
Michael J. “mini” Noogent
Michael and Naomi Nugent

LA
Sarah Evershed & Julian Robinson
Dylan Ris

SF
Danny Debonis

Chicago,
Zac Witte & Goeff Domeracki

SF
Tori Taylor & Dave McMillan

LA
Saskia Wilson Brown

Wyoming
The Eversheds

NYC
John F. Brunner
Jory Cunningham
Sam Reiff-Pasarew

DC
Max Harper

Amsterdam
Dennis DeLange
Mike Glennon

NYC
Clare Sullivan & Thomas Hallaran

Great Barrington, MA
Nathanial Kerksick